preparing for surgery

OK so Its Monday. I have no idea when i am going to the hospital tomorrow. No idea when my surgery is or if they will even let me have surgery since i seem to have heavy duty bronchial congestion and a runny nose - great. grrrr. I do not want any postponing. i cant be any more ready to go through with this bullshit and to be honest i am still of the mind that there is probably another way, a way around this whole surgical procedure thing only i haven't taken the time to explore it because i was in pain and wanted a quick fix. maybe that is oversimplifying. I know everyone says it is the correct decision. but i have a coworker with the same thing and he just lives with the pain, so on one hand i could have just said no to surgery, no one is forcing my hand, i made the decision after talking with several people - but it doesn't seem like enough. i feel like i just accepted what they told me, i didn't fight for something different, i didn't explore all the options before i jumped to this conclusion that was handed to me on a platter. sure lots of people have knee surgery but 6 weeks is alot to give up without a guarantee and its a lot of time to be out of work and relying on kindness from friends.

 

I have been preparing, i have been to the grocery store 3 times (i cant carry it all at once and i dont think of all the things i need at the same time- i have one more trip, i think)  I have been to the pet store but need to go again. I still haven't got the rolling chair, which i believe is the quintessential item to have when on crutches so you can take your coffee with you from room to room and not just drink it over the stove where you made it because you cant cart it around with you.  that's my next stop, then one last go at the whirlpool, lunch with a friend, a last upside down trick on the pole and a few dances in class, then its home to fritter away a few hours until close to midnight when i can no longer eat or drink anything including mints and water,- like id have mints and water for breakfast! - until post surgery at which time i will have a stunning headache to go with my knee pain from my lack of caffination. OK I'm getting ahead of myself.  I have hit the point where i am just ready for this to be done already before i go back to square one where i was kicking and screaming and hoping it would go away if i shut my eyes. before i cancel everything and beg to get some of my hours back at work saying it was a horrible mistake. tick tick tick , can we get on with it? 

OK I'm off to get the rolling chair =maybe this day will start to kick in.